I realize this will seem like a deviation from my typical writing for most of you reading this blog. I have been writing on and off on this forum for 3 years now and have reserved most of it for stories about our kids. On September 5, 2019 Liz and I will celebrate 10 years of marriage…I thought it was only right to take some time to toast my bride.
I won’t pretend that it has been an easy breezy 10 years but it’s been life and the ups have far outweighed the downs. Marriage is hard work…most things worth their salt are. Things have been especially challenging over the last few years…we made a cross country move, Liz quit her job and started a brand new career, we had a new baby (with health issues you are very versed on already), I travel all of the time, Liz has a demanding job, and we put our kids first. But you learn to adapt to the changes and challenges that life throws your way. Liz and I have done it together and sometimes we suck at it and have to reevaluate how to tackle the next challenge, but we always find a way. I know (and I think it’s safe to say that Liz knows) that we are in the ‘thick of it’ right now. And although we don’t have time for ourselves on many occasions, we both agree that our most important job is to raise these 3 boys to be good kind humans.
We started dating in our mid 20’s when we were in the infancy stages of our careers and learning to be grown up’s without much responsibility. 2 dogs, 3 kids, career changes, promotions, life/death, sickness and health, and many moves later…life is a bit more complicated. But as I reflect back on the 13 years Liz and I have been together (10 of those years married) …there are things that no one else in the world will ever experience with me or could ever experience with me. These memories bring tears of joy and sadness, smiles, and belly laughs. I hope they do for you too Liz, and I hope our kids look back on these things are moved by the same emotions. McKay, Gabe and Bear…I want you to know how we lived our lives to the fullest and always loved each other while we were doing it.
I remember:
The first time that we hung out together after we started dating and both of us were so nervous that we split a whole case of beer before we went out.
That apartment in Mt. Vernon…you sitting on your kitchen counter while we talked about what we wanted out of life.
Lots of Sunday Funday’s at Mother’s in Baltimore and going back to that same spot where we first kissed.
The little house I lived in with Greg and how you came over after my soccer game. Those tight white soccer shorts worked.
First walking into 18 S Chester together and knowing it was our house (ok, so it doesn’t evoke those same emotions today as our lemon rental property) but I still remember the feeling back then.
The trip to Italy for Scott’s wedding and the 2 weeks of traveling we did afterwards.
The night I asked you to marry me, Christmas 2008 and how terrified I was to do it.
Our babymoon to St. Croix…probably the last time we slept well in our lives. Ha
Laying in our bed together in Baltimore after a scary anatomy scan at 20 weeks pregnant when we thought there might be something wrong with McKay. Feeling the conviction in your voice when you willed him to be ok and asked me to trust you.
The feeling I had when we became moms the minute McKay was born…to have him lay on my chest and to see you hold him.
Bringing McKay home to that little house and having 3 months together as a new family of 3. I think I’ll always look back at those days as some of the most precious of my life…no agenda, no must do’s, no work. Just us as new parents learning how to maneuver through it.
All of the projects we did to rehab that house (18 S Chester)…putting wardrobes together, redoing the kitchen, pulling all of the bushes out of the front yard with your mom and dad, turning the guest room into a nursery, redoing the bathroom (a few times).
You and McKay sharing big bowls of cereal in the mornings before work when you were pregnant with Gabe.
Beer Olympics with our friends…waking up to a slice of pizza on the fence and missed calls from the alarm company…we were overserved.
BSSC Football games with friends….throwing touchdown passes to each other because it was worth 2 more points than a regular touchdown.
Saturday burger day at Claddaughs Pub…I can still taste the blue cheese.
Snow-mageddon when I worked at Target and I had to be on 6 hours of calls a day and you would pass food under the door at each meal. Then walking in the snow to meet our friends in Canton Square.
Our ‘Countries’ house crawl with all of our friends when we were “Australia” (by the way, worst country to plan for ever).
Our two bachelorette parties – the first at Lake Anna and the next in Dewey Beach. I’m happy to say we survived them both and actually made it to our wedding day. Holy hell they were fun.
Witnessing and celebrating so many of our friends weddings together – Bart, Big Kat, Megan, Blob, Mary, Billy to name a few.
The excitement I felt to walk down the aisle to you on the Choptank River. Literally feeling the love pour in from our family and friends as we exchanged our vows. And the party, the epic fucking party afterwards.
Our Honeymoon in Spain…Sitting at the pool overlooking the Mediterranean Sea in the afternoon with our books and a pitcher of sangria.
GNO’s in Annapolis and the hilarious string of emails that came after a night out with those girls.
Losing Kellie suddenly and our heartbreak over how to move on with our own lives.
The Tuscany Trip with McKay when he was 9 months old.
The documentary we agreed to make about the vote for same sex marriage in Maryland. Still the thing I am most proud of us for.
Buying what we thought would be our forever house in Arnold. Hosting Holidays and kids Birthday parties there in our big yard.
Losing the dogs on the golf course…and finding Sam covered in Goose poop…constantly.
Watching you give birth to Gabe and being unable to tell you he was a boy because I was so emotional and crying.
Bringing Gabe home to that house as a family of 4. Telling your parents and my mom to keep it down because they were drinking wine and having too much fun the first couple of days we were home.
Walking Gabe up and down the driveway when he was screaming his head off and couldn’t sleep.
Potty training kids, singing the pee pee on the potty song, eating ice cream at 10am because someone learned how to poop on the potty.
Going sledding in Arnold with the boys and Gabe being too much of a scaredy cat to go down the hill.
Our trip to Captiva, Florida for spring break in 2015. Our exhausting decision to drive there with both boys but what an amazing trip we had.
Spending every night for 3 weeks in December in our basement playing Santa and turning it into a playroom for the kids.
Making the difficult & risky decision to move to California. Learning to explore our new city and state…beaches, parks, hikes galore.
Riding bikes to the beach with lunches and towels and nothing else.
Pre school graduations and Shabbat services at Akiba.
McKay starting Kindergarten and then Gabe starting just a year later.
Welcoming a 3rd kid into the house and the unbelievable feeling of meeting our 3rd boy. I could have 10 more kids and never be numb to the intense emotion of child birth.
Our spring break 2018 trip to Mexico.
Saying goodbye to your dad.
Playing musical beds when a kid or 2 can’t sleep through the night.
Taking turns rushing a kid to urgent care or the ER. McKay’s broken arm, Gabe’s broken arm, Christian’s breathing issues, McKay’s dehydration, and on and on.
Our many trips to Bald Head over the years…the evolution from just us at first with a 6 pack of Corona’s on the beach, then the dogs, then McKay, then Gable and Mckay, and now all 3 boys.
The feeling of watching Christian being wheeled back into surgery, there are some things that no one on the planet could even attempt to compete with and that’s one of them.
Sitting at Gabe’s bedside after his surgery and willing him to wake up because it was taking what felt like an eternity.
Concerts…Jenny Lewis, Dave Matthews, Kenny Chesney, Grace Potter, Dolly Parton, NOLA Jazz Fest to name a few…
And just like that, a decade gone and a whole lot of life lived between the beginning and where we are now. I hope you never stop having a “favorite part” to every song and telling me exactly what it is, wanting to travel and concert go with me, having dance parties in the kitchen, putting up with my penny pinching ways and tiger claws, working through the hard stuff together, and celebrating the birthdays, anniversaries, and the milestones in between.
I re-read this Maya Angelou poem again every Anniversary because it’s just so perfect and it reminds me of our wedding day when Matt read it from his phone and there wasn’t a cloud in the sky. Thanks for agreeing to live this life with me side by side…here’s to many more decades Lizzer.
Touched by an Angel
We,
unaccustomed to courage
exiles from delight
live coiled in shells of loneliness
until love leaves its high holy temple
and comes into our sight
to liberate us into life.
Love arrives
and in its train come ecstasies
old memories of pleasure
ancient histories of pain.
Yet if we are bold,
love strikes away the chains of fear
from our souls.
We are weaned from our timidity
In the flush of love’s light
we dare be brave
And suddenly we see
that love costs all we are
and will ever be.
Yet it is only love
which sets us free.
