Saying Goodbye and Eloping

With about 2.5 months from when we accepted the job until we would call California home, we began the process of saying goodbye. Towards the end I began likening this experience to planning a wedding vs. eloping. The latter would have been much easier and less painful but we wanted the ‘big wedding’ so that we had time to get used to the idea ourselves and plenty of time for heartfelt filled goodbyes.

Goodbyes started in Baltimore, which, coincidentally, is where Liz and I began. Our friend Kate held a party for us at Little Havana. Little Havana had hosted our friends on many occasions in the past. We drank too many mojitios on the patio that overlooked the industrial – port city that we came to call home. Most of our friends moved to neighboring counties outside of the city when they began to have kids. A few held out and decided they weren’t ready to leave Salty Balty. I can’t blame them. Although we made the move to suburbia about 3 years ago and we no longer had to deal with rats or stolen vehicles or burglarized homes (all could be future blog posts), we missed this place. Baltimore is so much more than meets the eye or that you see on TV. It leaves its mark on your heart and soul. I only lived there for 6 years of my life but it felt more like home to me than many places on this earth ever will.

This group of friends was Liz’s crew originally but when we started dating in ’06 I was adopted into it. Mid-twenties and pre-kids most of our time was spent at bars, playing social league football – followed by bars, theme parties, weddings, bachelorette parties, Raven’s games, and beer Olympics. After four years of banning myself from letting loose or enjoying myself…mourning the loss of my dad…this was a period of much needed letting go. Liz and this newfound group of friends was able to help shake the cobwebs from my soul and make me feel like it was ok to live again.

Kate managed to wrangle up much of the old crew for our send off. As I looked around the party I thought, damn I miss these people (in the present tense…in Maryland)…why the hell haven’t we done this more? Life gets so busy, but we make time to see the people we want to see and do the things we want to do. Sure, it’s harder to plan around a bunch of people’s schedules but when you love people and you genuinely have fun with them…make it work! We were still a good 4-6 weeks out from our move date when this party was held so I didn’t feel sad because it still didn’t feel real. But when we said goodbye to Kate I felt it…the slight tinge in your heart. Kate has always been the glue of this group. She’s met all of our friends at every different place in their lives. Some people get weird when you have kids and think they can’t hang out with you anymore because you have changed. Kate knows that life has changed but just expects you to get a freaking babysitter. But she also went places with all of our kids and talked to them about life. She cares and you can’t fake that. Kate is real, true, and a little bit crazy. And we wouldn’t have it any other way.

We then, somewhat unintentionally, said goodbye to some of our favorite places….we went to a concert at Merriweather Post Pavilion with a few of my friends from college. Again, we don’t see them as often but when we do it’s like we just saw each other a few weekends ago. My brother came with us and that felt like old times. The three of us hung out a lot in between my brother’s relationships. It felt like we were always a safe place for him to land. We drank until the wee hours of the night and listened as he talked incessantly about (insert ex-girlfriend’s name here). We dubbed said girlfriend or multiple said girlfriends as ‘Madeline’ after the movie Death Becomes Her. If you’ve seen the movie this will make you laugh. If you haven’t, forget it and move on. I’ll write another post about my brother one day but for now, I can’t. It’s too emotional. Let’s just say, I’m going to miss the hell out of him and I can’t wait until he comes to visit. Liz and I went to our last concert at the 9:30 club in DC…Grace Potter…one of our favs. We hit the gay sports bar down the street from the concert for dinner beforehand which had always been our go to.

We went to Bald Head Island, our last hurrah before we would come home and pack. We were with Liz’s family who we always travel there with. Our nieces were there, my sister in law, one of my brother in laws, and Liz’s parents. Not much will change about this trip. We have committed to coming back every summer to spend that week with them. But BHI will definitely see us much less often. We are no longer a 7 hour drive away. Last year we went for a week in June, 5 days in September, and the week from Christmas to the New Years.

I know we will have access to any number of beaches but there is something about BHI that is so special, almost magical. I remember when my niece, now 8 years old and swimming like a fish, was scared to swim on her own and when we finally talked her into going down the slide.  I remember my brother and sister in law’s wedding when it rained right before the ceremony and cleared up just before the big moment. I remember when Liz and I were first trying to have a baby and I found out I wasn’t pregnant on the drive there. That trip was over our anniversary and I have a vivid memory of sitting on the deck at Ebb and Flo’s drinking too many Bud Light Limes wondering how long it would take us to have a baby. I remember when I was pregnant with our first baby and my niece was sick and she took my temperature in my belly button…or what was left of it. I still remember the nervousness that came with being a new mom and bringing our 6 week old to the Island for the first time. That trip we were still in the fog of being new parents. We would wake up very early when he did, I would feed him, and then all 3 of us would go back to sleep until mid-morning. Then we’d take a walk and read, stare at him, eat dinner, drink wine, repeat. He is now diving under North Carolina waves and swimming on his own. Life moves quickly even when you try to slow it down. You begin to think about all of these past milestones when you are approaching a current milestone.

When we said goodbye to Liz’s family after the Ferry ride I cried when I hugged my nieces and my sister in law. Liz’s sister and I are sometimes emotional kindred spirits so I think we both did our best to hold back as many tears as possible and keep the flood gates closed. Vacation was over, we were headed back to Maryland to pack and move, shit was getting real.